Now I don't want you to think that I'm upset by this or to take this the wrong way, but the reality is that as they mature they need to build their independence and confidence. As such this journey begins with them creating and nurturing friendships and interests which naturally and inevitably take them away from me.
My job is to support them and be there for them no matter what, but there were two things that occurred last week that gave me a new perspective on this and where they are in their lives journey.
Zach has always had a deep and serious side to him, so when he asked me if we could have a permanent time each week to go for coffee – just him and me, it caught me by surprise at first. Both Zach and Sami are mature beyond their years, so as I reflected on his request it made me feel valued and wanted.
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| Our new coffee spot on the Danforth |
He said, looking me squarely in the eye that he really liked the fact that I had done that with my dad toward the end of his life, (don’t get any ideas I’m not going anywhere soon!) but that he wanted to spend time with me talking about life now and not wait till we were both older. I was blown away especially given that he broached this subject and made a significant effort to start this new routine with me without any prompting or coercion.
During our first coffee we talked about a host of topics including: self-confidence, popularity, mortality and friendships. Yeah, some pretty deep ones, clearly some of them we only skimmed the surface, which we will continue to talk about over the coming weeks, months and lifetime I'm sure but this first hour spent was absolutely priceless.
As we walked home he told me that he loved me (pretty special coming from 15 year old boy), which made my heart warm. Clearly I'm a pretty lucky dad. ☺
Both Zach and Sami came to my Improv show last Saturday afternoon, Sami being my official photographer for our troupe. After the show she was going a friends house and was planning on staying for dinner (did I say that I was a good taxi driver?). When I picked her up at 9:30 she quickly became the DJ in the car (as normal), after she had set up her Bluetooth and was playing one of her favorite tracks she asked if I could help her out with something. She explained that there was this current social media phenomenon called Neknominate, which began as an online drinking game but quickly evolved to a game whereby friends nominate you for an outlandish and often times dangerous task or activity and you have to video tape yourself doing it then post it online before then nominating someone else with a another task.
Initially it was started in Australia (go figure?) and unfortunately there have been a number of deaths and serious injuries associated with it, so understandably I was starting to get a little concerned…
She said that she had been nominated the day before by another girl in her class and wanted some advice. She then told me that at her school and many others (Zach’s included) they had changed the game, so rather than a dangerous or death defying act they were carrying out random acts of kindness or charity instead. And that’s why I love the schools that they go to – this “pay it forward” attitude is so ingrained within the fabric of the schools and helps them see beyond themselves.
I asked her what she had in mind; she said she wanted to do something for Sick Kids hospital but that it had to be meaningful. She knew her own story and her brush with Sick Kids hospital and it had obviously been weighing on her mind.
Soon after she was born she became very sick, with projectile vomiting, weight loss and generally not growing or thriving, as you'd expect a newborn to be. As new parents we were extremely worried and she was quickly admitted to hospital while they tried to determine what was going on. She was so tiny and we sat vigil beside her cot round the clock during the tense days that followed. After what seemed like an innumerable number of tests they were able to work out that her digestive system was still a little immature, and that it wasn’t too serious but that she would be fine she just needed a little help.
I told her that I thought her idea of helping Sick Kids was fantastic. She asked how I had raised money for Cancer Research after my dad’s death and we discussed the approach I took and I could see her mulling over ideas in her head as we drove home. The next day she continued asking questions about fundraising.
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| Sami's Sick Kids Fundraising page |
What most surprised me was that after dinner on Sunday night she had already researched fundraising with Sick Kids Hospital and had set up a fully functioning website with them. We wordsmithed the introduction and why someone should donate to her site. After that the question centered around how much she should shoot for in terms of a fundraising goal.
Hhhmmm, my advice was to start modestly and if you exceed your goal you can always increase the amount, just I had done with my Cancer Research fundraising. Initially my goal had been $5000, which I thought was pretty ambitious, but after raising my fundraising goal twice and eventually ending at $15,000 which I even surpassed with a final tally of just over $16,500.
With that she set the goal at $500. She then emailed her request for donations to a handful of people as round one. She said she'd see how the next few weeks went before broadening her campaign with other fundraising activities like a bake sale etc…
By next morning she had already raised $350! She was buoyant with pride as I dropped her at school and bursting to tell her teachers and friends. Now that’s a mature, pay it forward sort of 13-year-old girl!
I'm so proud of you both!
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