Disheveled Musings: Inspiration

Some might say its writer’s block; other would say it’s a “loss for words”. Generally that has never been my problem, in fact I'd go as far as to say that I've always got a point of view or something to say often times to my own personal detriment. J

No this time was different, this week for the first week I sat down on Friday night and stared blankly at my computer screen… It was a frightening thing to sit there and toss around ideas in my head but without any real hook or conviction as to a story for my weekly blog. What to do? Well, I busied myself helping Sami with her nasty cold that’s set upon her in the last 24 hours, then getting her settled into bed before waiting up for Zach to come home. Marking time by any other name.

Feeling a tad frustrated I headed for bed once he'd arrived home safely.

Crazy dreams followed and I woke at my usual 6:15 am (yes, its Saturday…damn it!), remembering only snippets of my dreams thank goodness cos the one that stuck me was me being out with the kids in a shopping mall, at a time when they were both in diapers with the gist of the story being that they both had poo explosions at the same time and I was trying to juggle two very unhappy babies by myself and I couldn't find a place to change them!

You may think I'm changing the subject but I think this is related - stay with me now.

A few weeks ago I mentioned how I was feeling depressed, so this week after getting a referral from a friend I had my first session with a new counselor. I discussed it with Zach and Sami last weekend, and as expected they were extremely supportive.

I’m not sure if you've ever been to a counselor before, but the first few sessions are always a little difficult shall we say. Well for starters you don't really know this person who you find yourself spilling your guts to – frightening unto itself. Then, not only are you horrified at telling them your story but with the amount of pent up emotions which seem to flood out of you like a burst dam…its not pretty!

I think the hardest part is recognizing that you need help, once you’ve come to terms with that realization then finding someone is less difficult. However, the stress rises again once you're sitting across from them for the very first time. After sharing some basic pleasantries and surface level background it starts with an innocent enough question – “so what’s going on?”

Those four simple words change everything.

Its not that in your heart you don't know what’s going on, but being honest and saying it out loud is a lot more tricky.

Now I’m sure Sigmund Freud or Carl Jung would have a field day with me citing all manner of issue and why I had the dream last night, especially after my first counseling session earlier this week, clearly there is some connection. J

I also realize that reading a blog like this on a Saturday morning is a little depressing, so rather than bore you with any of the gory details I've decided to add some photos that I've take over the past couple of years that bring me joy and serenity when I look at them. The memories from each of these images burnt indelibly into my psyche.

I hope you like them...as much as I do!